Thursday, March 30, 2006

[anti] Dr. Pepper

I like that the guy in the photo is pouring out a can of Dr. Pepper.

Personally I think that Dr. Pepper (after Rum of course) is the worst drink ever created. yes, EVER.

If someone were to line up five cups, pour four different kinds of alcohol in four of the cups, put Dr. Pepper in the other, and I was to smell each of them to identify which cup was Dr. Pepper... I'm about 88.75% sure I wouldn't be able to do it. Dr. Pepper smells exactly like some nasty, revolting type of alcoholic beverage to me.

And if Dr. Pepper isn't horrible enough to begin with, they had to invent the following:

  • Diet Dr. Pepper
  • Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
  • Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
  • Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper
  • Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper (what the?!...)
  • Dr. Pepper with Berries & Cream

Okay no... just stop it with the Dr. Pepper folks. It's gross.

Can I get an Amen?!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


I feel the way this picture looks.

It took me a few minutes to figure out how this dude was bent and twisted, trying to identify what limbs were his arms and what limbs were his legs. Ouch.

My snowboarding fall has really taken a toll on me. I've forgotten how much physical pain can affect a persons daily thoughts and feelings. Meidcation can only do so much. It's only been six days, but already I feel spiritually and emotionally weak... lost... exhausted.

It's been nice not going into work and skipping classes in order to rest and get some extra sleep, but... I feel... really out of it... distant would be a good word. When you find yourself in bed for insane amounts of hours, eyes glued to the tube and the inside of your eye lids, having hardly any contact with anyone, it's only normal that you feel out of the loop. And lonely.

Oi vey.

How the ["permanently"] physically broken live day to day, I don't know. God is a healer (check out some of His best healings in a little book called the Bible)... now I can see why it's a specialty of His. Physical pain really can bring darkness (in all areas of ones life - mentally, etc). But healing... that's when vision is restored.

Huh... the concept of healing... seems to be a continuous recurrence in life recently.

Spring better get here fast.

So if you would, please say a quick prayer of healing for me. Thanks friends.

Monday, March 27, 2006

[HE brings] Freedom

Praise God... freedom for this man.
I pray he be protected, and continue to run after the Holy One even while mobs of people [most likely] hunt him down so they may put him to death themselves.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

thoughts [for now]

First might I say that this picture is probably one of the most frightening things I have EVER seen. I get the heebie-jeebies just looking at it! Icchh!

While hangin' out in Colorado, I ran into some Iowa folk. It was refreshing. A couple who teach at a college in northeast Iowa, a dude who is looking to go to law school at Drake, and a brother and sister who reside in Indianola. For the first time, I actually felt that Des Moines, Iowa was my home. Meeting these people opened my eyes to how much I truly do love DSM.

A friend of mine wrote this in her blog recently:
I was distracted as I was driving that morning. Was focused on gardens - personal ones, spiritually speaking. A great friend shared an incredible vision she had about one of life's situations. We each have a garden and we chose to whom we give keys away. Sometimes a garden is cared for: the ground tilled, the soil watered, vegetation blossoming, fruit producing. Then darkness enters and keys start getting thrown around to whoever will grab them. When that happens, people trample the land. The lush vegetation starts to die off and blacken. Those with keys enter not because they want to water the land or till the soil or care for the crop, they enter because they want to steal the fruit, they want to look at others on the outside watching and wave and smile and snicker that they got on the inside. There's no care involved... just trampling and stealing... selfishness and death. The deeper this realization sits in me the heavier my heart becomes. One thing I ask is that my future husband loves and respects me enough even now that he protects his garden from that ugliness that hovers all around so freely... even in places we think are safe, especially in places we think are safe. That seems to be where it pops up with the most vigor. It's a non-negotiable for me. Guard the crop. It's not for everyone's taking... no matter how easy and fulfilling it is in the temporary.
Thanks K, I needed to be reminded of that. Let it soak in folks...

There is an Afghan man on trial for converting from Islam to Christianity. One of my favorite quotes in the article reads: "We will invite him again because the religion of Islam is one of tolerance. We will ask him if he has changed his mind. If so we will forgive him," the judge told the BBC on Monday." ...Sounds like a religion I'd want to be a part of... (that was a but of sarcasm if you didn't catch it)... sadly, that is exactly how christians come across.

I'm ready for spring. The Lord placed spring to occur right after winter for a reason... rebirth and healing are coming. And I'm ready. He has beautiful things in store for you; for all of us. Get ready because HE is about to rock your world with everything new. A new attitude, a new heart, a new desire for Him... a new life. Let the Maker work with the [stunning] clay that you are.

Unfortunately, two days ago I took a pretty nasty fall while snowboarding out in the Rockies. Very similar to a fall I took five years ago... yet this time a concussion was added to the spinal contusion, slipped discs, and strains/sprains all throughout my back muscles. I've had a headache for 72 hours straight, and it feels as if my left eye is going to pop right out of it's socket. So basically, I hurt... a lot. The meds I was given do help, but soon after I take them I take a little trip to kookoo land for a few hours. I've never done drugs, but I think that the way I feel with my medication is probably similar to what it would be like if I was on hard drugs. It's trippy... weird/creepy things have happened after taking them. Sometimes I wonder if medication really is from the devil.

Over the past couple of weeks, God has been opening a plethora of doors for me ministry-wise. It's exciting... yet at the same time I don't know what to do with it all. I want to do everything that's being offered and handed to me, but I know that I need to learn to say 'no.' I struggle with over committing myself... gotta find the balance between the Martha and the Mary.

My older sister and brother-in-law have a beautiful relationship. A good friend of mine and her fiance have a breath-taking relationship. Another friend of mine and her boyfriend have a simply stunning relationship. I have yet to experience this beauty in a relationship with a man. But I know that the Lord is preparing my heart for a relationship, and I can only pray that He is doing the same with my husband. I'm excited for Him to knock my socks off with the guy... I'm excited to give the guy love that no other woman can... I'm excited to love God with the guy walking beside me. Just thinking about being in love stirs something in my heart. We were definitely not made to be alone... incredible. HE really does have a Prince Charming or a Cinderella out there for you. As much as I want to know who he is right now, God runs on a different timeline. No timeline that is. Time doesn't exist. All He's waiting on is your heart. Oh how I wish I could watch each of your love stories unfold... beginning with the romance between you and your Maker. Now THAT my friends is beautiful.

Think about the word "freedom" for a while. Beware though... it's thick. Dig into it... I promise, you won't be disappointed.

Have you ever seen your dads heart break? I witnessed my father's heart break this morning. He found out a friend of his passed away from colon cancer. He told me, with tears in his eyes, "I tried so many times to share the Lord with him, but he wanted nothing to do with Him..." It was hard to see my dad so heart broken, but it also opened my eyes to our Father's heart. He weeps for you daily. I got to see a small piece of Yeshua in my dad this morning... talk about heart wrenching. Good reminder. Amen.

This summer myself and a few friends are planning to go spend a week out at my rents house in Palisade, Colorado. I hope it happens. Spending a week biking in the mountains, hiking through caves, sitting around a bonfire making smores, swimming in the hot springs... I love the outdoors. God created the outdoors for us to enjoy... so if it's nice out [and even if it's not], go outside right now. Go ride your bike. Go jump in a lake. Go roll around in the mud. GO enjoy what He has given to us. Even snow... enjoy it. That might be hard for some of you to do, but seriously... God knew what He was doing when He created snow. It keeps wildlife living with the moisture that seeps into the earth. So go... enjoy what lies behind your front door (even if it's not "paradise"). I say you can find paradise right in your backyard. Since God created everything, we all do in fact live in paradise.

Right now there's a group of peeps out being a light in the darkest of dark places. I pray that the Lord finds joy in their serving hearts. I ask that God open up the minds and hearts of every person that these warriors come in contact with. Oh that He would be pleased!... shake everything Father... shake it all.

And I leave you with this... remember, there's more to life then being really really ridiculously good looking.


Friday, March 17, 2006

Just In Time

You make all things beautiful... just in time.

The LORD knows exactly what He's doing. It's simple... we're not God, so we can't see the things in the making until He plants the result right in the center of our path. Underneath the pain, there's a purpose. Underneath the tears, there's truth. Underneath the confusion, there's an answer.

It's that time of the season...

things will be beautiful again. Not yet... but they will.

He makes all things beautiful at the exact moment they are meant to be complete. His timing is perfect. The beauty arises just in time for the next journey.

The darkness of winter is beginning to fade, as the colors of spring begin to press out from beneath the ground.

Beauty and healing are coming...

just in time...

for wholeness.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

the Ragman

It was before dawn early one Friday morning. I noticed a young man, handsome and strong, walking the alleys of the city. He was carrying a bag filled with clothes, both bright and new, and he was calling in a clear and tenor voice, "Rags! Rags! Rags!"

Ah, the air was foul and the first light of dawn filthy to be crossed by such a sweet music. "Now this is a wonder." I breathed to myself, for the man stood tall, and his arms were like tree limbs, both hard and muscular. And his eyes, ah, his eyes, they flashed bright with intelligence, and understanding. Could he find no better job than this, to be a ragman in the inner city? I followed him, my curiosity drove me, and I wasn't disappointed.

Soon, the Ragman saw a woman sitting on her back porch. She was sobbing into her handkerchief, sighing, and shedding a thousand tears. Her shoulders shook, her heart was breaking. The Ragman stopped. Quietly he walked to the woman, stepping around tin cans, broken toys and garbage. I listened to hear what he had to say; " Let me have your rag," he said so gently, "and I will give you another." He slipped the handkerchief from her eyes. She looked up, and he lay across her palm a linen cloth so clean and new that it shined. She blinked, from the gift, to the giver.

Then, as he began to walk away, the Ragman did a strange thing. He put her stained handkerchief to his own face, and then he began to sob, as grievously as she had done, his shoulders shaking, yet the woman was left behind without one tear! "This is a wonder!" I thought to myself, and I followed the sobbing Ragman like a child that cannot turn away from a mystery. "Rags! Rags! New rags for old!"

In a little while, when the sky began to show gray behind the rooftops, the Ragman came upon a little boy whose head was wrapped in a bandage. A single line of blood ran down his cheek. Now the tall Ragman looked upon this child with pity, and drew a baseball cap from his bag. I heard him as he said, "Give me your rag, child, and I will give you mine." The child could only gaze at him as the Ragman loosened the bandage, removed it, and tied it to his own head. He set the cap on the boy's head. And I gasped at what I saw, for with the bandage went the wound! Against his brow ran a darker, more substantial blood-- his own!

"Rags! Rags! I take old rags!", cried the sobbing, bleeding, yet still strong and intelligent Ragman. The sun hurt the sky now, and my eyes were burning from it's light. The Ragman seemed to be more and more in a hurry. "Are you going to work?" he asked a man leaning against a telephone pole. The man shook his head. The Ragman inquired, "Do you have a job?" "Are you crazy!" sneered the other. He pulled away from the pole, revealing the right sleeve of his jacket. It was flat, with the cuff stuffed into the pocket. The man had only one arm. "So," said the Ragman, "give me your jacket, and I will give you mine." Such quiet authority in his voice; the one-armed man took off his jacket, and so did the Ragman. And I trembled at what I saw; the Ragman's arm stayed in his jacket, and when the other put the jacket on, he had two good arms, but the Ragman now only had one! "Go to work." he told the man.

After that, he saw a drunk lying unconscious beneath an old army blanket; an old man, hunched, wizened, and sick. He took the old man's blanket and wrapped it around himself, but for the drunk he left a new suit of clothes.

And now I had to run to keep up with the Ragman, though he was weeping uncontrollably, bleeding from his forehead, carrying his bag, stumbling from drunkenness, falling again and again, exhausted, old and sick. Yet he went very fast! He skittered through the alleys of the city until he had come to it's limits, and then he rushed beyond. I wept to see the change in this man. I hurt to see his sorrow, and yet I needed to see where he was going in such a haste, perhaps to know what drove him so.

The little old Ragman, he came to a landfill. He came to a garbage dump. And then I wanted to help him in what he did, but I hung back, hiding. With tormented labor, he cleared a little space. Then he sighed, he lay down, he pillowed his head on a handkerchief, he covered his old bones with an old army jacket, and... he died.

Oh, how I cried to witness that death! I slumped in a heap and wailed and mourned, as one who has no hope, because I had come to love the Ragman. Every other face had faded in the wonder of this, and I had cherished him, but he died.

I cried myself to sleep. I did not know, how could I know? That I had slept through Friday night, and into Saturday night. But then on Sunday, I was awakened by a violent light, pure hard demanding light, shining against my face! And I blinked, and I looked and I saw the first and last wonder of all! There was the Ragman! Folding the blanket most carefully, a scar on his forehead, but alive and healthy! There was no sign of age, and all the rags that he gathered shined with cleanliness!

Then I lowered my head, and, trembling for all that I had seen, I walked up to the Ragman. I told him my name, with shame, for I was a sorry figure next to him. Then, I looked into his eyes, and said with dear yearning in my voice, "Change me!"

And He changed me, my Lord! He put new rags on me, and I became a wonder beside him...

The Ragman... The Ragman... The Christ.

Thursday, March 09, 2006



72" base... 30 feet of snow... so stoked.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Music is Wonderful

I love music. A lot actually.

I found out the other day that one of my all time favorite bands no longer exists. And no, I'm not talking about the ridiculously amazing and fabulous *NSYNC; they ended things a few years back, which, by the way, still has left my heart a bit broken... but thats a different story for another time. I'm referring to the wonderful Juliana Theory. In my opinion, they have [or should I say had] enormous talent. Their lyrics always pulled me in, their sound struck my soul (if that makes any sense), their live performances always blew me away. But no longer will I be able to anxiously await a new song, or CD, or concert of my beloved J.Theory. This is a sad day for me.

After hearing this news, I was kicking myself a bit... they were actually in Des Moines not too long ago (which is rare; they never come to Iowa), but I didn't go simply because no one knew who they were and wanted to go. Ugh... never again.

I apologize ahead of time if you're not one who likes to read lyrics or if you don't like music in general [which I find wrong... and I encourage you to stop reading this post now because the rest is all going to be about the sound], but below are the lyrics to one of my favorite J.Theory songs; The Shell of a Man. If you would rather not read, then feel free to continue scrolling down...

I won't nurture, and feed this bitterness
It's worth it, seen any of this
Love and forgiveness
Our time is and true
I know you're full of fear
I hope I'm never like you

I won't nurture, and feed this hate
It's empty and doesn't change a thing
Love will endure when it comes to the end
I see you're insecure
I know there's hope for you

Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man

I won't nurture, and feed hostility
It's pointless to dwell on my anger
Love is the answer innate as it seems
I know you're full of hate
I hope I'm never the same

I won't nurture, and feed this hate
Imagine the magnitude of
Love that is giving the chance to prevail
I see you're full of tears
And I can sense you're here

Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man

Take what you want to
Now that you got the chance to
Take it, why don't you?
Now that you got the chance to [x2]

Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man

Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man

On the other hand, some good news... if you don't have the new Mute Math CD, I highly recommend it. Finally after [I think] two years, they've released their first full length album, and might I say, it's phenomenal. Their usage of homemade instruments and crazy solo breakouts are awesome. Plus, I just love the fact that Mr. Paul Meany, lead singer/keyboardist, plays the keytar. Not to mention, their lyrics are real, honest, and I can't help but inhale God's breath every time their sound starts streaming out from my iPod.

So now is when I promote a few bands/artists that I feel are worth checking out; both known and not very famous at all; some still creating glorious sounds and some who have [sadly] called it quits.

Dispatch (RIP) - Rock/Reggae
Braddigan (former member of Dispatch) - Similar to Dispatch; Acoustic/Rock/Reggae
Underoath - "Screamo/Rock/Alternative"
Farewell to Ashlyn - a friend of mine Steve sings and plays guitar in this band; they reside in wonderful Kansas
Justin McRoberts - Indie, mixed with folk rock/acoustic; real lyrics
Edwin McCain - An oldie (back from middle school days), but definitely a goodie... if any guys voice makes me swoon, he'd be one of 'em; Rock/Blues
Jimmy Eat World - Phenomenal... rock/alternative
Nickel Creek - "fuse and personalize a wide array of styles with uncommon vigor and elan"
The Postal Service - Electronic/Awesome

My list could go on....

Enjoy. Smile. Listen to music. Know God.

Be blessed.

Monday, March 06, 2006

mama cav = classy lady

I have a confession...
I'm jealous of my mom. Why? Because she just bought this:

2006 Lexus RX Hybrid
Now I know what I'm drivin when I go visit the rents back in the LF...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


My feelings were hurt really badly today...

really bad.

A Des Moines police officer did not have kind words for me earlier this morning. In fact, he did nothing but make me cry and make me feel stupid. I really want to say "Thanks a lot a-hole", but I will bite my tongue.

I made my usual trip downtown Des Moines to the Court House where I had to drop off some documents for one of the lawyers I work with. After circling the Court House for 20 minutes and not being able to find a parking spot anywhere, I decided to park in a private lot right across the street. I knew I was literally going to be in the Court House for maybe 2 minutes, so just figured I'd be in and out, and no one would know that I had briefly disobeyed the law.

As I walked toward my car after doing what I had to do, a man began walking [quite quickly] toward my car from the other direction. My heart began to speed up and all I could think was, "Please no... I don't need a ticket right now..."

I shuffled to the front of my car, and whipped out a pad of paper.


Right as he began pulling his cap off of his pen to jot down my license plate number, I opened my mouth and all that came out was "Please don't, I'm REALLY sorry!"

Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't said anything...

I won't quote exactly what he said to me, but it was basically along the lines of "you are stupid, what the f--k were you thinking, you don't have a permit for this lot who do you think you are?, you're not special... etc etc etc...

I think I would have rather gotten the ticket.

Getting yelled at by someone is hard enough, but when it's an older man who does nothing but insult you for 5 minutes, in public, is an absolute nightmare. I bit my lip [hard] for those long minutes attempting to hold in the tears.

Finally after his release of rage, he pointed his finger at me and yelled, "THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU DUMB B-TCH!"

Quickly I got in my car, turned the key, shifted into drive and sped off, finally releasing every ounce of water I had in my eyes. I cried, and cried, and cried... I cried harder than I have in a long time. Never in my life has someone said the words to me that this officer said to me today. I'm gonna be honest when I say that he really pulled me down... he really made me feel worthless and dumb.

Yes, I confess that I should not have parked where I did (even if it was 2 minutes), but I'm sorry, I don't think there is any justifying talking to someone as he did to me.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"... yeah, that's a load of crap.

Words can be absolutely beautiful. They can be incredibly encouraging, but words can also hurt. Words can destroy. Words can seep into our hearts and hit us in areas that we have been wounded before; they reopen those wounds of being worthless... etc. Words... they really can rip someone apart. And they did. Today this guy ripped me to shreds. If his goal was to really pound someone into the ground today, he definitely nailed it.

Be careful the next time someone makes you upset or does something wrong. It's possible that the words you speak to them will stick with them for a long, long time.