The idea of change brings my heart great joy. I’ve always enjoyed “big” change in my life. Moving to new places, new friends, new churches, new opportunities, etc; some people hate change, but for me, it brings a sense of thrill and challenge. More so, I’ve never wanted to be “that person” who seeks out change in order to run away from their problems. I am confident that I have stayed clear from that. Have I thought it at times? Yes, but I’m always able to ask myself, ‘what is the point of wanting (insert change here) to occur?’
In the past when God spoke change over my life, most times I found it easy to follow. I typically look forward to the newness that awaits, but overall, it’s been easy.
Recently, the Lord opened a door that I’ve been praying about for years. I don’t know the outcome, but I know that I need to begin walking through the door to see what specific things He has for me on the other side; mostly to see if they’re what I’ve dreamt of.
It’s funny though. Taking these steps, steps toward more change than I’ve probably ever faced before, I always imagined it would be quite easy for me, simply because of that fact that I have been dreaming about this moment for a long time. Plus, change used to be easy…
But I’m finding myself scared out of my mind. I’ve even found myself trying to think of ways “to get out of it” because the change is just that big.
Through much prayer recently, and from thinking about prayer in years past, I’ve made the decision to walk forward, but am for the first time, completely petrified of this possible change. I’m particularly comfortable with where I’m at, so with that, I sense that the Lord is shaking me a bit. I find it normal for me to be fearful, as long as my fear does not drive my decision.
The great thing is I can identify my fear, as just that, fear. Overcoming fear can be challenging, but with the right focus and drive, it is completely possible.
I’m reminded of Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious in anything…” I understand what Paul was saying, yet it doesn’t decrease the “fear” that lingers. What it does do, and what I feel Paul was trying to get across, was that if we stand firmly trusting God, we know that anything He does or however He answers our prayers, will be most beneficial for the Kingdom. It’s all about God receiving the most Glory.
As He continues to shake me, I’ve committed to walking no matter how fearful I may become. I have a feeling this is big… bigger than I even know. So big that the evil one is trying to distort “change” for me because he does not want me to get anywhere near this open door. Could it be because walking through this door could be detrimental to the enemy’s plan? Quite possibly.
A friend of mine continually reminds me, “Satan isn’t going to attack or act if a person is not a threat. When he attacks, it’s because that person has the possibility to destroy everything he is working toward.”
The Lord spoke over me that 2009 would be a year of “challenge and learning”… I think I’m beginning to see why…