Wednesday, December 24, 2008

a different tune this christmas.

like a lot of people, christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. every year i've spent christmas in chicago with my family. i can always count on there being at least three feet of snow on the ground. i've never missed a christmas eve service at the church i grew up in. and watching christmas vacation is a must. there are so many things that i look forward to doing upon returning to illinois.

this year is the same. there's snow on the ground, my family is all here, i'm headed to church tonight, and tomorrow we'll all be on the floor laughing at clark griswald as he attempts to capture a squirrel that escapes in his house.

plus there's a bonus this year... my husband is here to join us. what joy that brings to my heart.

despite everything wonderful that occurs this time of year, there's a saddness that continues to linger over myself and my family...

january 7th my dad will be going back into the hospital, but this time instead of receiving just chemotheropy, he will also be receiving a stem cell transplant. diagnosed last march, he has been in remission from leukemia since august. and because there is no cure of leukemia, it's not a matter of if it will come back, but when. a stem cell transplant is our only hope of a possible cure.

doctors say there is a high chance of success from the procedure; yet there is still that fear that hangs over our heads.

christmas is different this year.
fear. uncertainty. uneasiness.

but with fear, i will remain hopeful and coinfident that my God will come through. whatever that statment means... 'God coming through'. i will continue to believe that He is receiving all the glory that He deserves, no matter the circumstance. and i am most certainly thankful that my father has a close and personal relationship with the King.

christmas is different this year... no, christmas feels different this year. but my God and His sacrifice remains the same.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

falling hard after Love.

i stand, facing a King who forever forgives;
i stand, staring deeply into the eyes of the One who saved my life;
i stand, unaware of the pain that He feels so deeply in his heart;
i stand, watching tears fall from His face.

i cannot stand any longer.

dropping to my knees i become restless and weak;
i hear His cries for the nations and His hopes for the world;
i cannot stand to see His heart break any longer;
i cannot stand to watch a King release His painful agony.

yet i am reminded of Truth...

i am falling hard after Love,
and abundant joy has captured my heart.