this week i have been doing a lot of thinking.
i've found myself thinking back to what my life was like in high school, as i went through college, the start of my "official" adult working life from this summer, and where i am now.
sometimes i wonder, 'how the heck did i get here?'
it's been one crazy ride, that's for sure
high school is where i began to be shaped. where i allowed the Heavenly Father to truly take a hold of me and begin work within. after four years of attending [glorious] lake forest high school, and being one step closer to who the Lord desired for me to be, i remember packing up my junk into my mom's tahoe and moving to des moines, iowa to begin the next step.
des moines suited me;
drake suited me.
i made incredible friends, attended a God-driven church, found myself being challenged spiritually in ways i never had before, and for the first time, heard the calling He put over my life.
just a a year ago i was mentally preparing myself for student teaching, i was in a relationship with a man who held the Lord's heart in his hand, i was forming new friendships with some incredible people, and i was wondering how the heck God's dream for my life would ever become reality while in iowa.
i knew that He desired more for me, but i was comfortable then.
i was satisfied.
i was fearful of the unknown.
and i was trying to reject the change that was entering in.
throughout my entire life, the Lord shifts the world at the very moment that i fall back into those places. He knows, and i know now, that if i continue to be "comfortable" or be "satisfied" with where i am, i will remain there, rejecting the Beauty that He has planned.
though there are some days i wish to return to "how things were", i also know that it's only because it's what i knew. i was familiar with "then." i am not familiar with "now."
i still have great love for the people from my past, even if we've lost communication. each person, and every situation, my God has used to form this child into what He desires.
because it's all about Him.
everything is about Him. He's not trying to give your life "make over" because you're getting too comfortable and enjoying life too much; He's shifting gears because it's about Him. He's not speaking the end of relationships (both friends and romantic) because they aren't healthy, or because they're not good enough, or because they're too perfect... He approves, or disapproves, those relationships because it's all about Him.
the Father wants all the worship, all the glory, and all the praise. He will do whatever it takes to be recognized, and for the world to see that it's all about Him.
so i can sit around and desire to return to how things were my freshman year of college, or to when i was five, but when i do, that is when i begin to make everything about me.
and it's not.
nothing is about me.
it's about Him.
so to try and answer my question, 'how the heck did i get here?' i can say, i am where i am today because it's all about Him.
at this moment, i stand in a place where i can recognize and make it, all about Him. i trust that the moment i begin to move away from this understanding and begin desiring something for myself, He will rush it, drastically change my life; with the purpose only of, reminding me who this world is about.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Over two months and no entry.
So is the life of a first year teacher...
These past nine weeks have been absolutely insane. I knew that teaching would be tough, but this semi hit me head on, knocking me flat on my face at times. Good day, bad day...
I want to say that the hard work for the year is finally over, knock on wood; but I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of this "playing teacher" stuff. I'm walking into the next nine weeks with new vision and new direction.
A (quick) update...
1. I found a House of Prayer here... God is moving greatly at Living Waters. I try and spend my Tuesday evenings at the HOP. It's nice to have a couple of hours where I actually rid myself of school and thinking about my little 7th graders. I'd love to see them open 24 hours...
2. I have the greatest boyfriend in the world (enough said).
3. Last weekend was the first weekend in 8 weeks where I stayed in town. I love traveling, but I sometimes forget how much I really do enjoy staying at home and doing absolutely nothing. No traveling for me until Thanksgiving...
4. After a two month hiatis from working with the high school youth group at my church, I'll be returning tomorrow evening for an event they're having. I'm looking forward to jumping back into my "director" role (aka keeping people on schedule and being announcement girl).
5. Perfectionism is not out of the question... it's amazing how and who God uses to open up Truth in your life (check out a guy named Randy Storms... he's written a book that is changing lives, and is serving God incredibly with his gifts). He has an amazing story. My meetings with him are bringing me to a place of renewal... praise God.
6. Last week were parent/teacher conferences... I am proud to report I had no crazies show up and yell at me claiming that their child was perfect, and that the only reason their kid had an F was because I hated them.
7. There will be a DSM stop on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving with Mr. Wild as we travel our way east to wonderful Chicago...
8. I love my roommate. I love how much she loves God. I love that her heart is sold out for bringing glory to the King. I love that she's funny, and loves to do dorky things. AND, I love that she's clean. ...we're having a pumpkin carving/The Office party this Thursday. So pumped.
9. I apologize to everyone for my lack of staying in touch. Like I said, first year teaching REALLY IS overwhelming and stressful. As the year continues, I'm finding myself able to manage my time better and I'm not letting the weight of school kill me.
There will be more posts in the near future... and I promise, they will be more profound than this.