i spoke too quickly

today i got smacked in the face.

every morning when i wake up i do one of two things... first, if i'm heading to work, i wont shower (sue me) and i'll put on some sort of scrubs because i know that olivia, the little girl i nanny, will want to go play softball or go catch frogs at greenwood pond. knowing that i'll be getting dirty and be sweating like a man, i won't take time to get cleaned up. there's no point. on the other hand in the morning when i'm not working or i know that olivia and i will be going shopping or going to a movie... that's when i will shower and try to look decent.

something to understand... when i'm getting clean, it means i'll put something other than jeans and a workout shirt on. most of my clothes actually are either commonly considered "dressy" or "srubs". the only stores i really shop at are: express, j. crew, banana republic, and gap. as you can tell from that list, all the clothes from those stores are more along the lines of "dressy" and "nice"...

i take pride in what i wear. i shop at those stores because i love their clothes. i enjoy "dressing up" after every time i shower because that's when i feel the nicest... it makes me feel good. i don't do it to impress anyone or try to get attention; i wear these clothes because they are an expression of who i am.

well... today... this area was targeted... and i'll be honest when i say that my pride was hurt a bit.

i ended up showering today, so that meant it was time to wear something other than scrubs. i began to blow dry my hair and then i moved on to deciding an outfit to wear. i then proceeded to finish getting ready and then left to go pick up olivia. during this process i had a quick encounter with a good friend of mine... she began laughing at me. i was confused... this is about how the conversation went...

me: "why are you laughing at me?"
friend: "because of what you're wearing... why are you all dressed up to go to adventureland?"
me: "... i'm not dressed up..."
friend: "yes you are."
me: "i'm wearing shorts and a regular teeshirt, how is that dressed up? i always wear stuff like this when i go to themeparks."
friend: "... really? well, you're definitely dressed up. why don't you just wear gymshorts and a workout teeshirt?"
me: "i don't know... but i don't think i'm dressed up."
friend: "whatever... i definitely make fun of people like you..."

this encounter shouldn't have been a huge deal, but because it dealt with something i take pride in... it hurt. a lot. "i definitely make fun of people like you"... at that very moment she was doing exactly what she said, and it was not in a friendly "haha" way. i know that this was not a personal attack on me... but it ways i felt like it was. since i believe my clothes express apart of who i am, i felt she was making fun of who i was and my personality.

i admit... i'm a girly girl most of the time. i like wearing makeup (not a lot). i like putting on some jeans and wearing a pair of pointy heels with them. i like styling my hair. i like... to feel... beautiful. even if no one else thinks i am, i enjoy feeling like i am.

don't be mistaken... i'm not obsessed with my looks and i don't have to be all primped up to know that i'm beautiful because the Lord created me and He thinks i'm perfect, which is all that should matter, but i believe that part of being a girl is desiring to feel pretty... in whatever way that is. one girl may feel beautiful when her father hugs her, another after she gets her picture taken, or another while wearing her favorite outfit.

right now i would like to make public apology to some of you out there reading this. i recall certain occasions where i found myself doing this exact thing to you. i remember commenting on a certain item of clothing you may have been wearing when you didn't ask what i thought of it, or making some negative comment after you explained something you were going to be doing... i am sorry.

i was unaware of the hurt comments like these can bring... until today. i needed to experience what it felt like; i needed to experience the other side. i needed to know what the attack feels like when someone looks down on something you hold pride in. so again, i am deeply and truly sorry... in the future i will hold my comments to myself unless i am asked to bring my honest opinion to the table.

i spoke too quickly...

and i am sorry.