brings me back

smell is the most sensitive sense that triggers memories of past experiences. usually right when an aroma surrounds you, you can determine whether you like it or don't. also, smell can bring you back to those specific significant moments in your life, where if you hadn't encountered the aroma, you may never have thought about that certain event ever again.

today i was pulled back... as i helped a friend of mine carry her groceries up to her apartment, i began to inhale a familiar smell. suddenly i found myself replaying a scene in my head from when i was 7 years old...

the smell brought me back to my dentist's office when i lived out in california. i always hated going there... dr. gabore... that was her name. i certainly never thought very highly of her. she had a cool dentist office, but she was m-e-a-n. so mean. my hatred for her rose on a specific day in april of 1992... the day i had to get my first cavity filled.

as i walked into the back room, holding my blanket closely to my body, dr. gabore explained to my mom that she did not allow parents in the back, even during fillings... but not only that, she explained that she did not believe in using any kind of novocaine or anesthetics (she was russian and began her practice there which could explain some things). as a 7 year old, i didn't really have any idea what was going to occur or how necessary novocaine was during a filling.

the aroma that i smelt today pulled me back to one of the worst hours of my childhood. i could do nothing by cringe...

as i remembered myself crying... no... weeping and screaming in pain, she told to me numerous times, "stop being a baby!" my arms had been tied down, while her assistant held my legs to prevent me from kicking, as she did the procedure of destroying my tiny cavity. over and over again i told her i had to go to the bathroom... my plan was to either lock myself in the bathroom forever, or just run out of the office and never come back... but she replied with, "go in your pants you baby!"

let me remind you... seven years old with no pain killers... SEVEN years old with NO pain killers... NO PAIN KILLERS. if you've never had a cavity, just know that without any sort of anesthetic during a filling, it is honestly one of the most painful things there is.

two things changed that day. first, we went in search of a new dentist who actually liked children. and secondly, i grew a phobia of dentists and drills, which i still have today. even the sound of a drill pulls me back to being 7 years old and brings tears to my eyes. the smell though... i felt like i was reliving that moment from 13 years ago. even though a random smell pulled me back to that horrible moment, i still absolutely love smells. any time that a scent of something takes me back to the past, i know that that moment was life changing for me in some way or another.

when i smell roses... i'm pulled back to when my dad bought me flowers for the first time and how loved i felt. the smell of rum... it brings me back to the first and only time i was ever drunk, which still to this day makes me dry heave. the smell of salt water... it pushes me back to staying at my beach house in california. the smell of a certain cologne... it allows me to remember my first kiss and how nervous i was. ...and the smell of dr. gabore's office... it causes me to remember the torture she put me through.

throughout all this, it got me thinking about heaven. will we be able to smell in heaven? is there going to be smells or even senses? could i be walking along the road, catch a quick whiff of fresh bread and be pulled back to the first time my mom ever made bread when we were living on earth? are we even going to be able to remember our lives on earth? will we even be able to remember what smell is? will there only be smells of beauty? will we be too focused on Yeshua to even notice an aroma?

i'll be honest though... i hope that we do smell. i want to smell... i think i want to be brought back to some of those moments.

but it's heaven...

i'm pretty sure there is Something much Greater.