tim

it was one of those days. one of those days where anything and everything reminded me of him. one of those days where just the glimpse of his picture made me cry. one of those days where i wanted to be angry... but couldn't.

one of those days where i really missed tim. a lot.

everyday i miss him, but today was one of those days. almost as if i had just found out for the first time again... the sadness seemed new. it's been one of those days where i could have really gone for hearing the ever famous "timlaugh". it was a day where i really wanted to hear "JACK JAck jack... ATTACK ATTack attack." a day where i wanted to be introduced to a new band that "f-ing rocks!"... a day where i wish i was given more advice on how to improve my 200IM time... and a day... where reality really hit me. again.

often times when i have "one of those days"... i feel ridiculous. i feel embarassed. i feel too emotional. the world tells us to "get over it" or to "move on". we begin to feel like we cannot express our emotions and we cannot ever be anything less then 'okay'. today i was reminded though that it is okay for me to still grieve.

"there is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven... a time to cry and a time to laugh. a time to grieve and a time to dance" (ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 NLT).

emotions are good. we have fallen into the trap of believing that they are not okay. christians think that they are supposed to be great all the time... good luck with that one folks. up until the day that we leave this earth, we will struggle and we will be emotional. and guess what... that's okay! i don't know about you, but thats a HUGE relief to me...

even today when i really wanted to hang out with tim, i was comforted. i was held during the moments that i cried. i was told that it was okay for me to grieve. ... and that made me smile. the only One who i needed to go to was there, reminding me that it was okay. so many times do i forget that. but being reminded... that brought me joy.

i still miss tim a lot, but things are different.