tonight we had our second dodgeball game... we got killed. as we were playing, i found myself not having one hint of fun. out of the four games that we played, i may have been in for a total of 33.56 seconds. the other team was wearing all black, and their goal was to demolish any team that they came in contact with...
i hate to compare this night to satan and evil, but after the game it's how i felt. satan wants to murder us and destroy us in any possible way that he can; he will do anything and everything to try this. its kind of like the team we played. they showed no mercy. i was getting hit left and right with the dodgeballs, knocking me out every 5 seconds. satan is doing just that to me right now. he has been for the past couple of months. every moment that i'm able to run back onto the court, seconds later i'm out.
this game took place in the church gym. in church... with believers. just as christians were knocking me out of the game tonight, thats exactly how life has felt. the connection between my sisters and brothers is not there. i walk into church and feel as though i've been pelted in the face. God is all that we need and He is all that i desire, but why this disconnection from the people i should be having fellowship with? why does it feel as though believers are standing with satan, firing dodgeballs at me to get me out of the game? just as God knows my heart, satan also knows exactly the areas that pull me down...
but i will not be shaken.
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a broken heart that He is changing into absolute Beauty.
1 comment:
if you ever watch the discovery channel, chances are you'll see a program about the hunting strategies of lions. a lion will attack a herd of zebras and will implore a very smart, tactiful stratgey: isolation. the lion knows that if he can get one of the zebras away from the pack, it will be much easier to catch, strangle, kill, and consume his prey.
true, He is all we need but sometimes i worry about this mantra. God will meet our needs through a variety of different ways - one the main ways being through His body. isolation from His body is not good, nor is it to be praised. God spoke it Himself when He said "it is not good for man to be alone." God Himself is not alone - three-in-One. trust God to meet your needs, but not at the exclusion of fellowship.
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