pain becomes praise.

recently my father was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. he begins chemotherapy tomorrow.

it all began 8 years ago with a routine physical. leukemia never developed over those years, but doctors continued to keep their eyes on his blood and bone morrow. signs even went away, stunning doctors and my family. healthy for two years, nothing wrong.

another routine physical this past January. doctors notice something odd again, but this time more severe. his cells are not producing healthy cells, but leukemic cells which are beginning to spread throughout his body. about 15% of his bone morrow has the leukemic cells in it, while 1/4 of his blood also has the cancerous cells.

my dad was diagnosed with aml... and he starts chemo tomorrow.

* * * * * * * * * *

i've been reading a lot in psalms listening to david complain about life. sometimes it's annoying. sometimes i feel sorry for him. sometimes i want to tell him to call the waaaaaaaam-bulance. and sometimes my heart breaks for him. it's interesting to read his heart... the psalms are just that, his heart, and it's not just him whining about not getting his way, but about the sadness, the pain, the fear, the anger, and the joy that his soul so deeply burns with.

even though david seems "whiny" at times, it fascinates me that after every complaint, he brings glory and praise to the Father. he shares the depths of his pain and grief, but never leaves it at that. he always declares the Goodness of God, of His faithfulness, and of the rescue that he has found in Him.

sometimes i wonder if it was easy for david to say "God is Good!" when he had a bunch of crap happening around him. my conclusion is this... no.

it could not have been easy for him.

but when you know the truth, when you are confident of God's promises, and when you understand just a smidgen of His character, the last words to leave your mouth will be praise and glory to the Lord.

i am scared for my dad. it's hard being the only one in my family not there. i don't want to do this in distance. i'd rather cry with my family than without.

yet... i will praise God.

He has allowed my heart to know Himself just a little bit, just as He allowed david to. He has shed a layer of my screened eyes that allows me to shout, "GOD I GIVE YOU GLORY!", even though my emotions and body want me to do nothing but curl up in a little ball, weep, and seclude myself from the rest of the world.

through this unknown, i say 'no' to sorrow, and 'yes' to praise.


Father, i ask that our eyes would look at this situation and stand up in worship, THANKING You for being in charge of this world. i pray that my family would find JOY in this time where we could so easily be destroyed. let this be a testimony that my father can use to share with the world in order to give YOU recognition and praise. we want to focus on dad and the cancer, but i pray God that Glory would be all that drips from our lips; Glory because you are our God, and enhancing your Kingdom is what we live for. in Jesus name, Amen.