reminiscence (of then).

this week i have been doing a lot of thinking.

i've found myself thinking back to what my life was like in high school, as i went through college, the start of my "official" adult working life from this summer, and where i am now.

sometimes i wonder, 'how the heck did i get here?'

it's been one crazy ride, that's for sure

high school is where i began to be shaped. where i allowed the Heavenly Father to truly take a hold of me and begin work within. after four years of attending [glorious] lake forest high school, and being one step closer to who the Lord desired for me to be, i remember packing up my junk into my mom's tahoe and moving to des moines, iowa to begin the next step.

des moines suited me;
drake suited me.

i made incredible friends, attended a God-driven church, found myself being challenged spiritually in ways i never had before, and for the first time, heard the calling He put over my life.

just a a year ago i was mentally preparing myself for student teaching, i was in a relationship with a man who held the Lord's heart in his hand, i was forming new friendships with some incredible people, and i was wondering how the heck God's dream for my life would ever become reality while in iowa.

i knew that He desired more for me, but i was comfortable then.

i was satisfied.
i was fearful of the unknown.
and i was trying to reject the change that was entering in.

throughout my entire life, the Lord shifts the world at the very moment that i fall back into those places. He knows, and i know now, that if i continue to be "comfortable" or be "satisfied" with where i am, i will remain there, rejecting the Beauty that He has planned.

though there are some days i wish to return to "how things were", i also know that it's only because it's what i knew. i was familiar with "then." i am not familiar with "now."

i still have great love for the people from my past, even if we've lost communication. each person, and every situation, my God has used to form this child into what He desires.

why?

because it's all about Him.

everything is about Him. He's not trying to give your life "make over" because you're getting too comfortable and enjoying life too much; He's shifting gears because it's about Him. He's not speaking the end of relationships (both friends and romantic) because they aren't healthy, or because they're not good enough, or because they're too perfect... He approves, or disapproves, those relationships because it's all about Him.

the Father wants all the worship, all the glory, and all the praise. He will do whatever it takes to be recognized, and for the world to see that it's all about Him.

so i can sit around and desire to return to how things were my freshman year of college, or to when i was five, but when i do, that is when i begin to make everything about me.

and it's not.
nothing is about me.
it's about Him.

so to try and answer my question, 'how the heck did i get here?' i can say, i am where i am today because it's all about Him.

simple.

at this moment, i stand in a place where i can recognize and make it, all about Him. i trust that the moment i begin to move away from this understanding and begin desiring something for myself, He will rush it, drastically change my life; with the purpose only of, reminding me who this world is about.

Him.