All up in my Face [Literally]

I kicked off my acting career last night.

A buddy of mine called me up the other day and asked me to be apart of a video that he's making to help promote the dodgeball league at our church.

"Be there at 7:00... get ready to act your brains out."

Walking into the gym, I joined the other "actors" who sat patiently on the bleachers awaiting their turn in front of the camera. A bit confused at what was going on, I turned to the other confused faces asking whether they knew what their parts consisted of or not.

"I have no idea..."

Whew... at least I wasn't the only clueless person in the room.

One by one each of us were called to film our scenes, finding out our lines and characters seconds before the camera began rolling. Laughter overtook the gym... tears rolled down my face as I tried to compose myself. Improv is hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time. I wasn't sure how I was going to hold myself together when it was my turn, especially if I was going to have to act like a complete idiot...

which is exactly what I had to do.

Nate stood with his camera a foot away from my face. "Be hysterical... hyperventilate... just freak out for a few minutes... ready... go."

Do what?! Oh gosh... okay, I'll give it a try.

And so I did. I widened my eyes, I made my face turn bright red, I talked twice as fast as I usually do, I fanned my face, I breathed heavily... I did exactly what they wanted; I acted like a nut. Once I finished and the camera was turned off, we all busted out into even more laughter. I'm not an actor, nor have I ever been, but I loved the rush that came during those few minutes of becoming someone completely different than myself.

Soon after I suddenly realized what I had just gotten myself into...

Next week my face was going to appear on an enormous screen (taking up THE WHOLE screen as a matter of fact) in front of a couple hundred people. Then add the fact that I wasn't going to just be starring into the camera, but everyone was going to witness my seconds of "freak out."

Oh geez...

So next week, I'd like to apologize to everyone for the possible saliva that might be visible, for any food that might be stuck in my teeth, if anything penetrates out from my nose, or if my huge eyes suddenly go cross-eyed for even a moment. This shall be interesting...

as well as embarrassing... Oh well!

So sit back and enjoy this... fabulous piece of video we all worked so hard on.

Painting [by GOD]

God painted a picture for Des Moines Iowa this morning.

The majority of the world claims to believe in a god of some type. We [the people of the world] know this god is big, it's in charge of something, and we can ask it to protect us or help us in times of need. A lot of the time, this is where the view of "our god" stops. Though, questions are continually being asked, yet the ears of the askee are being covered by our own hands.

"God, how much do you control?"

"God, how big are you?"

"God, will you prove to me that you're real?"

"God, why don't you ever answer my prayers?"

"God, what do you look like?"

We find ourselves settling towards a view of god that makes complete and utter sense to our own self. Like mentioned, we know this god is big... bigger than us, it's in charge of something... "destiny", and it will protect us when we're in trouble... sometimes...

We ask how big God is, but when He tries to show us we turn the other way... we close our eyes. We believe He's big, but we aren't willing to believe He's really that big. We live life "allowing" God to be as big as we "let" Him be. We hide from the reality of WHO GOD IS because we can't handle not being in control. We can't handle not having evidence and logical answers to back up God-centered questions. We only believe what could logically be true.

Someone who is cured from cancer has become a testimony of a miracle... not of the Hand of God. An earthquake is only the colliding of plates... has nothing to do with the Hand of God. Sperm and an egg coming together to create a baby... again... it's just that; nothing to do with the Hand of God.

Again, we ask...

"Will you prove to me that you're real God? Will you prove to me that you're big?"

... He wants to...

... and He's been trying.

He's been trying nonstop since the beginning of time. He knows He's big, He knows He can do great things, He knows that He can do it all. Yet some how we keep missing it...

Well not today. I certainly, along with many others, know that we were far from missing God revealing a small part of Himself this morning. The picture above, is a of what appeared before us here in Des Moines, Iowa (I apologize for it not being extremely clear - I took it with my phone). It was incredible. I sat in my car outside of where I work for 10 minutes captivated by the sight.

I love how He captured so many eyes and hearts this morning.

There will still be some who saw the phenomenal sight and still say, "Cool, look how all the gases in the sky are mixing and combusting to form the rainbows and bright lights..."

(Keep in mind that GOD is LIGHT and He is the Maker of those gases and particles)

God is an artist and He treated us to one of His paintings today...

simply to just say,

"Look at Me... I'm so much bigger than you let Me be."

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Then as I looked, I saw a door standing open in heaven, and the same voice I had heard before spoke to me with the sound of a mighty trumpet blast. The voice said, "Come up here, and I will show you what must happen after these things." And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in heaven and someone sitting on it! The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones--jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow. Twenty-four thrones surrounded him, and twenty-four elders sat on them. They were all clothed in white and had gold crowns on their heads... (Revelation 4:1-4)

♥ Valentines Day ♥

This afternoon I met up with a friend and her new baby boy. He, might I add, is honestly one of the cutest and most beautiful babies I have ever seen... I couldn't stop looking at him. I found myself captivated by his baby blue eyes and his chubby cheeks. All I could think about was how beautiful he was and that our God knit him together.

I wasn't the only one whose eyes were drawn to him.

Her and I got together to specifically talk about how I should go about getting involved with ministry, rather than continuing down the path of becoming a teacher. She told me her story about how she began a journey of becoming a teacher, but then suddenly found herself running towards ministry... she gave me advice on places I could look at working or volunteering this summer that may help give me a better idea of what the Lord is calling me to... she listened as I poured out my desire to serve God in whatever I did... she prayed for me...

And amongst as this I couldn't help but notice one thing...

she would not stop looking and touching her little baby boy.

If I'm ever in deep conversation with someone and I don't feel that I'm getting their full attention, I'll find myself somewhat flustered; they obviously must not care enough about our conversation to zone in 100%.

But... with her, not once did a feeling of "annoyance" or "anger" enter my mind... only joy and excitement.

I knew she was listening. I knew she was fully focused on our conversation. And I knew that every topic we covered set afire a small piece of her heart. But just as I was in awe of her little boy, she too [even moreso] remained fixed on him.

God showed me Himself today in her... and He showed me myself in baby J. He gave me a picture of the way that He cares for [us] His children. He reminded me that He is always touching and checking up on His kids, after every sound or movement they (we) make, because of how captivated He is by our beauty. And yet, we always have His full attention. Even when He's reaching His hand down to wipe away the tears of another, His attention and His desire to hear your cry remains.

How could I get annoyed with my friend when all she was doing was protecting and making sure that her baby was okay... when all she was doing was being like the Father.

Towards the end of our time together, she asked the question of the day (which take me back a year ago I would've burst into tears from sadness)...

"You have any plans with a special guy tonight?"

Surprisingly I found myself with a huge smile across my face, replying with a cheerful "no... no plans. I'm single and I can honestly say that I'm okay with it..."

She smiled at me, then turned her head towards her little bundle of joy and kissed him. It was breath taking... that's exactly what He was doing to me.

Best Valentines Day ever...

V-Day

A little something I received from a brother this morning...

Happy Valentines Day.

To the women who are so valuable to the body of Christ.

This day is dedicated to the remembrance of romance and the love between couples. I think that’s cool and all but hopefully everyday you spend with the one you care about is expresses and filled with romance and love between the two of you. I feel that’s what Jesus's relationship to us embodies.

On this celebrated day I just wanted to write you women to share my appreciation of you all. You women of God have influence and changed the way women have been looked at for generations. Us men are in amazement and admiration of your passion, closeness, and relentless pursuit to honor the Lord God Jesus Christ. Women, I would like to thank you all for being just as God wants you, setting the trend and example for the way women should be. Your influence is going to send echoing repercussions for generations to come. You are valued and loved by the men who through God have been given the name and privilege of being called your brothers. Thank you for encouraging, strengthening, influencing, and being our rock in times of weakness. Without you and the way God uses you, us men would be incomplete.

I know on a personal level God has blessed me by getting to know most of you and a big part of my walk with Christ has been forever inspired and changed because of you.

I hope you all spend this day focusing on the overflowing love Jesus Christ has for you all. He is the ultimate romancer who desires to express his love to His valued creation not once a year but everyday. God recognizes and will reward your lovesick pursuit for Him.

Thank you for being in the body of Christ and building His Kingdom.


Arise Woman Of God

Rise up O woman of God
In what He has given you
The things God has laid on your heart
Rise up, go forth, and do.

Unlock what God has placed within
The potential you have inside
The world is waiting for your release
To expand your wings and fly.

Arise in your God-given gifts
For this is your finest hour
Arise in the Lord’s holy might
Ignited and empowered.

For God is calling you to come forth
To impact this world for Him
Don’t hold back or limit yourself
Let His power arise within.

And take His message to the world
To those that have lost their way
For you can surely make a difference
If you’d hear His voice and obey.

You shall be strengthened in the Lord
As you begin to arise
Conquering those doubts that pull you down
And believe who you are in Christ.

For you shall surely be transformed
As, in you, God increases more
And become a woman of true excellence
Bringing honour to her Lord.

Will (not maybe)

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

What an eye-catching verse...

He has made a promise to fill those who crave Him; for the mouths that salivate longing for that righteousness, they will be filled. Not "maybe", not "possibly", and not "sooner or later", but He will fill you. His promises never fail; He will fill you.

The moment that we allow Him to grab a hold of our lives, and everything within them, He meets a need that nothing or no one else can fill. Suddenly, we understand what complete and utter satisfaction means.

Just to sit and think that we no longer have to live an empty life, and we've been handed a promise that hands us countless things... love, wholeness, peace, joy... This Love is...

my (our) Father.

I'm excited to know that you have been filled. I'm excited to know that I have been filled. And I'm excited to know that you can be filled... begin thirsting for Him... you will be filled.

Has, Is, and Will Be

Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. Isaiah 46:9-10

God is God...

He is the Creator of the universe, the ever reigning King, the Father, our Savior of the world... He is the Mastermind behind everything that has been, is, and will be.

Even before the creation of the world, this God had you in mind. Specifically you. He knew how much you were going to weigh when you were born, what color your eyes were going to be, how tall you were going to be when you hit middle school, that you'd be passionate about sports or the arts, your blood type, the exact moment you knew you were in love for the first time...

...even the very hairs of your head are all numbered... (Matthew 10:30)

We long for people to actually know us; to know who we are as a person. We long for attention and love. Especially women, we long to have a man know the smallest details about us... what our favorite books are, what our comfort food is, what makes our heart skip a beat in excitement, how we like our steak cooked... just think... there is in fact Someone who knows all of that, and so much more.

My beloved, God calls you His own. He knit you together and made you exactly how you are at this very moment. That bump on your nose... supposed to be there. The lacking in ability to play football... not a mistake. Your gift of encouragement... given to you on purpose. In our world if you're a woman and you have size 12 feet, you're a freak. If you're a guy and can't play basketball for the life of you, there must be something wrong with you. If you work in a church and struggle with intercession and prayer, maybe you should go into another field...

Flaws? Nope... the way you were made.

We each have different gifts, abilities, desires, hopes. He planted those things within us. If we all had the same look and talents, we'd be living in a very mechanical world. God doesn't want mechanical... He wants beautiful.

He wants... you.

He has incredible plans for you. There is pain and suffering intertwined with His plans, but to know that by always keeping your eyes fixed on Him, you will find joy in the darkest of times. You will find yourself laughing and dancing, when if without Him, you'd be drowning in the depths of your own waters. Paul was in prison for most of his life, but continued to praise God. During depression, David sang psalms to God... He never leaves your side, ever. Even when you don't feel good, it doesn't mean that God isn't good. He has BIG plans for your life... let Him show you. He wants to... He wants to show you so badly.

The moment you allow Him to direct you and take over your heart, you begin to grasp and taste the great things God has waiting for you. The sweetness is indescribable... for years you had planned on doing one thing... but after allowing Him to take the wheel, you find your desires shifting, guiding you in a direction you never would have dreamed of. And you find nothing but satisfaction in knowing that you are finally going after what He has called you to.

Coming to the surface after being held under water... that gasp of fresh air. Sitting in a bar where smoke blankets you... walking outside and inhaling the freshness of clean air. That my friends, is only a tiny glimpse of what God breathed air is like.

Let Him take you places. Trust Him... allow Him to lead you outside of where you feel comfortable. Ask Him to challenge you... ask for opportunities to shape you into the man or woman He so desires for you to be.

Get up and follow Him... I promise, He won't let you down.

...for in the image of God has God made man (Genesis 9:6b).

Thinking out loud

With less than a years worth of classes left, I've decided that I don't think I want to be a teacher anymore. Yes, I'm still going to get my degree, and yes I'm still going to try and do well... but come 2007 I hope to be running towards working in ministry full time rather then taking interviews as schools. As of right now I have an a few ideas of what I would love to do, but not yet has the Lord revealed to me what direction He wants me to go in. Junior high kids? College aged? Counseling? It's all very new and exciting... and I absolutely love it! We'll see what He has for me...

The other night I spent 5 hours painting. He's really teaching me more and more about how I can incorporate my artistic abilities into worshiping Him.

I'm heading up to Minnesota this coming weekend with about 35 other people from my church to hit the slopes. I'm ready to put my board on and cruise down the mountain... mountain? Hill perhaps? I know He's given me this talent and it brings Him joy when I find joy in it. There's something about snowboarding that pulls me closer to God... and I can't quite put my finger on it.

I was asked to help lead another trip to Romania this summer. I personally would love to go... but I don't think He wants me to go...

God is teaching me so much about only being with Him. He is so jealous for my love (and yours) and He longs to have all of me (you). To know that the Man of my dreams is right here (and always has been) chasing after me, blows me away. I'm excited to see where He takes me and I'm excited to one day be with a man who looks at Christ and can't help but know that same jealous love that He has for him.

The longer I'm in Des Moines, the more I love living here.

the same old thing...

As I've mentioned before, I love my job. I love the people I work with and I love the fact that I'm not confined to a desk all day long. I love that I get to go out, drive around, serve the lawyers I work for, and meet different people along the way.

I've been running into some of the same people about 3 days a week since early August, but rarely do I ever stop and start up a conversation with any of them. When I go downtown for one of my deliveries, I can walk into the courthouse, have the same 3 security guards nod their heads at me asking "how are things today for you darlin?" After my "going well, yourself?" response, they smile and tell me to "have a good one and we'll see you soon."

It's the same thing... over and over again...

and I feel horrible.

This same thing happens at Banks, the Post Office, a few other Firms, and just about every other place I go on a regular basis...

There is this one place I go all the time that is quite possibly a replica of Office Space; possibly even worse. I walk into this place and can't help but feel trapped... the only sound I ever hear is my own footsteps... on the carpet.

How could someone ever work in an environment like that? I can't imagine... I think I'd go crazy. I am so thankful that the Lord has not called me into that field. Yet then I wonder, would God actually call people to work in conditions like that? I want to say no because I see nothing attractive about sitting alone in a cube, completely silent all day long... and I don't know how anyone could... but He must. Why else would some of those people be there besides for just settling?

It's time for a change...

Yep,
it's definitely time.

Beauty

I was brought to Song of Solomon chapter 4 this morning... specifically to verses 7-10.

You are so beautiful, my beloved, so perfect in every part. "Come with me from Lebanon, my bride. Come down from the top of Mount Amana, from Mount Senir and Mount Hermon, where lions have their dens and panthers prowl. You have ravished my heart, my treasure, my bride. I am overcome by one glance of your eyes, by a single bead of your necklace. How sweet is your love, my treasure, my bride! How much better it is than wine! Your perfume is more fragrant than the richest of spices.

How beautiful it is to hear these words from our Father.

How beautiful it is to know that our God whispers these words to each and every one of us!

How beautiful it is to rest in these... simply amazing words.

How beautiful.

You have ravished my heart,
my treasure,
my bride!

This small piece of poetry that we can place out hands on is only a microscopic look at the love that the Lord Jesus pours over us every second of our lives. He simply adores you!

How beautiful,
how simply beautiful.

I pray that you never lose sight of the passion that Yeshua feels for you. That you're able to taste the sweetness He pours over you. That no longer you thirst for love, but take in His whole self and sense the joy that you bring Him; that you are filled and satisfied because you have Him dwelling in you. My hope is that you see yourself the way He does every moment that He lays His eyes on you; as simply stunning. I pray that you fully understand that you are His beloved; there is no greater love than He.

How beautiful you are, my beloved

how beautiful.

More Weddings

Let me begin by saying congratulations to a number of my friends in their recent engagments...

Congrats Allison and Chris, Jenny and Joe, Mya and Nathan, Michael and Heather, Kristie and Bill, Mollie and Ben... and Carrie and Perry on their marriage.

Whew. That's a lot...

Almost 2 weeks ago I watched my sister and her boyfriend of 6 years finally tie the knot. It was absolutely beautiful. The last wedding I went to was for my cousin when I was in 5th grade, so this one had quite a different impact on me (plus add that fact that my older sister was the bride).

Since I was a freshman in high school, I've been lucky enough to witness one of the most God honoring relationships ever. I don't just say that because she's my sister, but I honestly have never seen a relationship quite like theirs. It's been a blessing to witness their love for one another grow, but even more so, their love for the Lord join together.

Of course, I sobbed through the whole ceremony, but it was simply stunning. God has brought them so far and because of their patience, faithfulness, and purity to one another, they are truly going to be blessed by the Father.

I haven't danced that much in a long, long time... What a celebration it was. It's amazing to celebrate the joining of two people in God's presence. I don't think I have any other words that can express the incredible beauty that marriage is.

I pray that the Lord blesses each of my friends marriages and that He remain the center of their lives as they each come together.

Sidenote: I've decided that I don't think I want a diamond for my engagement ring...

Also, see a post from a number of weeks ago about being the Bride of Christ. He loves you passionately. To think that God wants a deep intimate relationship with you and calls you His bride.

Be.Satisfied

As much as I say that I can't wait to be out of college, I know that when May '07 comes I'll want nothing more than to be in college all over again. It's the breaks. I absolutely love getting a whole month off during Christmas to do whatever it is I want...

Art Institute of Chicago, Iowa Stars vs. Chicago Wolves, sleep in (everyday), paint, catch up on season 4 of 24, go shopping, hang out downtown, plus add in a bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, and a wedding.

Even with a month of free time, I still found myself not having enough time. I haven't been satisfied with 31 days... I want 62 days...

It's funny how we live life that way. We're never satisfied. I guarantee you that if I was given a 62 days winter break, I still would be happy... I'd want 124 days off.

We're never satisfied.

Never.

Since I didn't "have enough time" this winter break, this morning I was thinking about all the things I really wanted to do but couldn't (for one reason or another). Besides being bummed out about not spending a lot of time with some of my good friends before they all left, I was super bummed that I missed out on going to Passion this year. I had a great experience last year and would have loved to return again this year... this morning I went to the Passion 06 website to check out some pictures from the conference...

There was one picture that caught my attention. It was of a banner that they had hung up outside of the area... God taught me more from these two small words than I ever could imagine.

Be Satisfied.

Oh how my soul yearns for our world to be satisfied.

For me to be satisfied...

How beautiful are those words? How beautiful would it be to be completely and utterly 100% satisfied? Satisfied with the things we have, satisfied with the food we eat, satisfied with our friends, satisfied with our lives... satisfied because we have Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. Shouldn't He be enough?

Oh that we would be satisfied because of Him.

Bride of Christ

Weddings weddings everywhere...

it's crazy.

This time next week, I'll be all glammed up in a floor length red gown, hair done up with curls draping down, makeup on my face, diamonds around my neck, freshly painted finger nails, and 2 inch black heels thrown in some corner as I dance away celebrating the marriage of Ms. Amanda Cavender to my new brother in law, Mr. Elliot Bennett. I hope that the tears will have settled by this time.

It seems that rings are beginning to pop up on fingers left and right. And I'm not talking about people I know from a distance, but good friends. One of my roommates from last year called me last night to tell me that her boyfriend had just proposed.

That's 4 good friends now... (not including the 3 that tied the knot this past year).

Usually I would think that all this wedding talk would get me all sad because I'm not in a relationship and blah blah blah... but thankfully, that is not even close to how I'm feeling.

Thank the Lord.

Don't get me wrong, yes I do want to get married and yes, whenever I find out who that amazing man is, it's going to be simply incredible...

but all I can think about amongst this "season of weddings" is how I am (and you are) constantly being perused by the greatest Husband I (we) could ever have... by the One who calls me (you)beloved... and by the One who calls me (us) His bride. How absolutely amazing is that...?!

I get butterflies and teary eyed when I sit and try to fathom how madly in love with me (you) the Lord is.

Oh how I wish I loved Him more.

The Father has renamed us, just as in Isaiah He renamed Jerusalem:

Never again will you be called the Godforsaken City or the Desolate Land. Your new name will be the City of God's Delight and the Bride of God, for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his own.

Wow.

I love Song of Solomon because it is a beautiful book that displays a relationship between a husband and a wife, but even more so it represents the passion and love the Father so heavily feels for you (and me). How amazing.

No one could ever love you more,

Bride of Christ.

THAT Moment

Do you ever remember that moment of actually understanding [something]? Not just understanding in your head, but understanding in your heart?

A time when you've always been aware [of this something] and you're able to repeat it over and over again to yourself and others, but it hadn't yet grasped your heart...

That moment when finally [that something] pierces your heart so hard that tears of joy and thankfulness flow out, because you finally get it...

That moment when you feel the release of the chains from around your heart, and feel nothing but the Spirit overwhelming you with an aroma of freedom...

... The moment when [that something] suddenly seems so far from important, that all you desire to do is drop to your knees and shout praises to the King...

... that moment...

That moment when you begin to remember what... Who... you live for. Suddenly everything you've been worrying about no longer matters and all that matters is falling madly in love with a Father, who has never once stopped pursuing you... or me...

That moment when everything comes together because He is King.

That moment when you are so close to Him that you can smell His presence and you can taste His goodness... that you can see the Kingdom.

... That moment when He reaches His hand out to you, and this time you couldn't bare not reaching back.

The moment when all you are able to see is the One.

That beautiful moment...

I love that moment.

Baby Names

So a friend of mine and I were talking about how many kids we each want to have and what names we really like... Since I want boys (along with one girl), I expressed my love for a few male Biblical names: Caleb, Elijah, and Noah.

"But I don't know if I could be that lady who names all her kids after people in the Bible... I'd turn into the mom from 7th Heaven... Matthew, Mary, Lucy... Lucifer?, Simon, Ruth, David, and Samuel. I don't know..."

My friend then went on to tell me about a family she taught swimming lessons to for 2 years. They had four boys, and I kid you not, their names were Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

C'mon.

So what were they going to do if they had a fifth child? Name him Acts? What if they had a girl? Still name her Acts?

So I got this great idea... I'm just going to become one of "those mom's", but I won't use any of the common Biblical names like James or Peter. If you're gonna be "that lady" you might as well just go all out...

Habakkuk perhaps? Haggai? Jehoiachin? Or one of my favorite, Xerxes?

Philemon is a great possibility as well.

Oh Christians. They make me laugh.

Side note: I just found out that my name means "to protect". Good stuff. What does your name mean?

Good ol' Davy

Psalm 69 always seems to leave me in awe. David's love for the Lord and his faithfulness to Him is astonishing.

David had been over taken with depression and pain, yet he still lifted praises to his Creator. At this moment in his life, he felt nothing but sadness, yet he continually said "Your great love for me", "Your love is so good", "Your great kindness"...

Though David saw no result of God answering his cry, never once did he think the Lord would not be there to save him from his depression. He never once walked away from Him amidst his hurting.

There is so much I could say...

The cry and faithfulness of David:

1 Save me, O God,

for the floodwaters are up to my neck.
2 Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire;

I can't find a foothold to stand on.

I am in deep water,

and the floods overwhelm me.
3 I am exhausted from crying for help;

my throat is parched and dry.

My eyes are swollen with weeping,

waiting for my God to help me.
4 Those who hate me without cause

are more numerous than the hairs on my head.

These enemies who seek to destroy me

are doing so without cause.

They attack me with lies,

demanding that I give back what I didn't steal.
5 O God, you know how foolish I am;

my sins cannot be hidden from you.
6 Don't let those who trust in you stumble because of me,

O Sovereign LORD Almighty.

Don't let me cause them to be humiliated,

O God of Israel.
7 For I am mocked and shamed for your sake;

humiliation is written all over my face.
8 Even my own brothers pretend they don't know me;

they treat me like a stranger.
9 Passion for your house burns within me,

so those who insult you are also insulting me.
10 When I weep and fast before the LORD,

they scoff at me.
11 When I dress in sackcloth to show sorrow,

they make fun of me.
12 I am the favorite topic of town gossip,

and all the drunkards sing about me.
13 But I keep right on praying to you, LORD,

hoping this is the time you will show me favor.

In your unfailing love, O God,

answer my prayer with your sure salvation.
14 Pull me out of the mud;

don't let me sink any deeper!

Rescue me from those who hate me,

and pull me from these deep waters.
15 Don't let the floods overwhelm me,

or the deep waters swallow me,

16 Answer my prayers, O LORD,

for your unfailing love is wonderful.

Turn and take care of me,

for your mercy is so plentiful.
17 Don't hide from your servant;

answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble!
18 Come and rescue me;

free me from all my enemies.
19 You know the insults I endure--

the humiliation and disgrace.

You have seen all my enemies

and know what they have said.
20 Their insults have broken my heart,

and I am in despair.

If only one person would show some pity;

if only one would turn and comfort me.
21 But instead, they give me poison for food;

they offer me sour wine to satisfy my thirst.
22 Let the bountiful table set before them become a snare,

and let their security become a trap.
23 Let their eyes go blind so they cannot see,

and let their bodies grow weaker and weaker.
24 Pour out your fury on them;

consume them with your burning anger.
25 May their homes become desolate

and their tents be deserted.
26 To those you have punished,

they add insult to injury;

they scoff at the pain of those you have hurt.
27 Pile their sins up high,

and don't let them go free.
28 Erase their names from the Book of Life;

don't let them be counted among the righteous.
29 I am suffering and in pain.

Rescue me, O God, by your saving power.
30 Then I will praise God's name with singing,

and I will honor him with thanksgiving.
31 For this will please the LORD more than sacrificing an ox

or presenting a bull with its horns and hooves.
32 The humble will see their God at work and be glad.

Let all who seek God's help live in joy.
33 For the LORD hears the cries of his needy ones;

he does not despise his people who are oppressed.
34 Praise him, O heaven and earth,

the seas and all that move in them.
35 For God will save Jerusalem

and rebuild the towns of Judah.

His people will live there

and take possession of the land.
36 The descendants of those who obey him

will inherit the land,

and those who love him will live there in safety.

Revival vs. Tea Party (you pick)

As Christians, our responsibility is to be witnesses for Jesus - not to be politically correct people pleasers. I like what an English Bishop once said, "Everywhere Paul went there was either a revival or a revolution. Everywhere I go they serve tea."

I hate tea if you get my drift!

Enough said.

Amen.

Stoked

So... I'm totally stoked for Friday morning at 12:01am. Why? Because of this:

Yes that's right folks... myself and some friends are going to see the midnight showing of The Chronicles of Narnia. I've never been this excited to see a movie before (except maybe when I was in 7th grade and Titanic came out...) but this is a tad bit different.

This is MY Matrix... this is MY Lord of the Rings... this is MY Harry Potter... this could be one of the only movies I ever buy tickets for a week in advance and attend the midnight showing. But, I will not, and I repeat NOT, be dressing up. No lion costume, no witch costume, no faun costume, no beaver costume, and absolutely no wardrobe costume.

I'm so giddy... I feel like a little kid again.

happiness/joy #76-100

here's the final list for ya, #76-100:

76.) spending time with good girlfriends
77.) art museums
78.) visiting my best friend in cali
79.) prayer walks
80.) getting a foot massage
81.) when my sisters and i chase eachother around the house (yes… we chase eachother… screaming, laughing, hitting)
82.) going to professional baseball games, and eating peanuts with a huge soda
83.) driving into a big city (ex: chicago) late at night
84.) the words “i love you”
85.) oreo’s and peanut butter
86.) laying on a blanket late at night looking up at the stars
87.) 24
88.) witnessing Christ transform lives
89.) long funny voicemails from friends
90.) sleepovers
91.) junior high kids
92.) walking into a newly painted room
93.) feeding ducks
94.) seeing a dad playing with his kids (especially when it’s obvious that he’s a fairly new father)
95.) petting huge furry dogs
96.) falling asleep outside under the sun
97.) making snow angels
98.) holding and playing with a baby
99.) dmc’s (deep meaningful convsersations)
100.) sitting on the very top of a mountain, above the clouds on a sunny day staring out at God’s gorgeous creation

this i believe

"there is no God" writes penn jillette.

all that is released are tears of saddness and pain.

psalm 121

i look up to the mountains -

does my help come from there?

my help comes from the Lord,

who made the heavens and the earth!

He will not let you stumble and fall;

the one who watches over you will not sleep.

indeed, he who watches over Israel

never tires and never sleeps.

the Lord himself watches over you!

the LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

the sun will not hurt you by day,

nor the moon at night.

the Lord keeps you from all evil and

preserves your life.

the Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

happiness/joy #51-75

#51-75:

51.) the smell of the mountains in colorado
52.) falling asleep in the middle of the day and waking up hours later
53.) my squishy massage pillow
54.) witnessing an awkward moment
55.) putting on dresses that make me feel like a princess
56.) 2500 ab workouts
57.) restaurants that prohibit smoking
58.) leaving suprises for my friends
59.) getting caught up in the Word
60.) downtown chicago during the holiday’s
61.) going canoeing
62.) spur of the moment road trips to random places
63.) the smell of freshly cut grass
64.) painting
65.) going out on a date
66.) dancing (preferably to *nsync and britney type music)
67.) singing as loud as i can in my car
68.) buying a new outfit
69.) taking black and white pictures
70.) reading a new book
71.) diving into a pool
72.) getting dressed up – makeup, hair done, manicure, pedicure… the whole deal
73.) snuggling up on the couch, watching a movie, while eating m&m’s and popcorn mixed together
74.) a large mocha mint frappe from java g’s
75.) not setting my alarm before i go to sleep

rock on

last night i went to the david crowder/shane & shane concert with a friend of mine. we arrived a bit early being some of the first people in line. as we waited, my friend and i got to talking to this older women (maybe in her late 70's) who was there with one of her sons. she shared with us her love for crowders music, then going on to list other worship leaders she absolutely adored...

i love tim hughes... and that chris tomlin! oh he's so good! i love casting crowns, they were one of my favorite. and mercy me is good... but that tim hughes and chris tomlin! they are just fabulous... i just love chris tomlin's song "how great is out God"! i could listen to that song over and over again.

listening to a woman of her age display her love for these singers was beautiful. it's not very often you meet elderly people in the church that enjoy the "harder" kind of worship music.

when i first heard a church playing this loud music, i couldn't believe it and said, "this isn't church!" and then i saw people dancing... i just walked out. but God has shown me that their music is the same exact worship music as any hymn i would ever sing, just a different style. and the dancing... He tells us to dance, so i just need to get used to that and do it!

it was beautiful.

i then met 4 guys who drove down from minnesota just to see the show. they had even made shirts that said "we drove 240 miles just to see david." talking with them i could see their love for the Lord. their eyes glistened and shined brightly. they didn't even need to mention much about God; i could just see it in them.

when the doors open, my friend and i joined them in the front center of the hall. their excitement was undescribable. they could not wait until crowder came out and caught a glimpse of their shirts... and in fact he did. david looked down at the 4 of them laughing and thanking them for their faithfulness to his band. one of the guys, matt, turned to me, looking like a little kid in a candy store and said, "can you believe that?! david just asked me what my name was!"

besides the blessing of being with hundred of believers and getting to worship the Lord, i was also blessed with the conversations i had with the different people that i met. this concert reminded me of being at passion '05, yet a ton smaller (sidenote: go to passion '06 if you can - passion.06).

oh and i think crowder is ten times cooler simply because he plays the keytar. (i posted my photo's from the concert, feel free to check 'em out).

and He's set me on fire, i am burning alive

with His breath in my lungs, i am coming undone

and He's set me on fire, i am burning alive
with His breath in my lungs, i am coming undone.

and i cannot hold it in and remain composed

loves taking over me and so i propose,

in letting myself go

i am letting myself go...

You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my JOY!

You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my JOY!

brand new

last night i gathered together with people in one of the most beautiful scenes i have witnessed in a long time.

i was able to go downtown des moines and join together with hundreds and hundreds of people from my church, as we celebrated God's goodness and grace. we praised Him for the lives that He has changed within the church, and the blessings that He has provided to our community.

i sang. i danced. i laughed. i wept... and i wept hard.

in the middle of the singing and worshiping, about 20 people from the congregation, male and females ranging from 13-50, graciously stood up in front of the crowd each holding a sign that on one side shared what things them captive before Christ, and on the other revealing how their lives are now that they have the Father in their life...

ugly --> BEAUTIFUL
slave to possessions --> FREE TO GIVE
boy crazy --> CRAZY ABOUT JESUS
skeptic --> CONVINCED
led by guilt --> LED BY LOVE
following peers --> FOLLOWING CHRIST
lost --> FOUND

my eyes filled with tears the second the group began walking across the stage. one by one they revealed the trapped side of their sign while a coldplay song played in the background, then slowly they each flipped over their sign revealing their new life in Jesus.

i shed tears of thankfulness for the transformation in each of my brothers and sisters, but also because i could see myself. it was hard for me to admit that i am still one of those people stuck in certain areas of my life, but i was still able to worship and find joy in the Yeshua. thank the Lord for that. thank God that we do not have to live a life of imprisonment. thank God that He will set us free. though it takes time, the beauty of the process is astonishing.

witnessing the transformation of people from one life to another is one of the most beautiful things that takes place in this world.

praise God. praise God. praise God!

happiness/joy #26-50

here's #26-50 for ya folks...

26.) giving back massages
27.) driving a jet ski
28.) picnics
29.) movie previews
30.) inside jokes
31.) puppies
32.) going to the zoo (yes... i'm 5 years old...)
33.) the month of may
34.) mud fights
35.) meeting new people
36.) falling asleep in the huge red chairs in drakes student union
37.) shoe shopping
38.) wearing my cowboy hat
39.) putting on clothes right out of the dryer
40.) going out for sushi with my parents
41.) california
42.) long flowy gypsy skirts
43.) putting lotion on my face after i take a shower
44.) incense (preferably nagchamba)
45.) hearing and watching my little sister laugh uncontrollably (including snorting, spitting, and body convulsions)
46.) the feeling in my stomach while on a rollercoaster
47.) jenni terrills amazing peppermint dessert
48.) going to a concert of a band i really like
49.) the noise of rocks being thrown in the water
50.) kate t's tree swing

happiness/joy #1-25

i'm following the crowd... top 100 things that bring me happienss/joy.

#1-25:

1.) hearing the Lord's voice
2.) laughing so hard i can't breath
3.) snowboarding
4.) sleeping with 5 or more pillows
5.) romania
6.) walking on the beach barefoot
7.) brushing my teeth
8.) hugging my family after not seeing them for a long time
9.) cuddling/spooning
10.) dipping french fries in a wendys frosty
11.) bouquets of sunflowers
12.) having someone brush my hair
13.) having a friend smile at me for no reason
14.) picked up, off the ground, double armed hugs
15.) when someone calls you just to say "hi" because they "were thinking about you"
16.) holding hands
17.) discovering a new band
18.) snow on the ground that hasn’t been touched
19.) praying for people/being prayed for
20.) driving towards a sun set
21.) down comforters
22.) sharing my testimony
23.) falling asleep on the terrill’s kitchen floor
24.) sunny days with a light rain
25.) downloading a new phone ring

something to think about...

if God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?

joby job job

i work at a lawfirm and i love it. i really do. never in a million years did i think i'd use the word "love" and "lawfirm" in the same sentence. it seems somewhat like an oximoron. but nor did i ever think i'd work in a lawfirm...

i've been working downtown des moines with this firm since the middle of august and i'm just beginning to realize right now how much i truly do love it and what a blessing it was to get this job handed to me on a silver platter. i had been working as a nanny for 10 months but had to quit because of my new school schedule... my old roommate told me to take her job at a lawfirm... long story short, i went in and i was handed the job on the spot.

i get to dress up everyday (which i enjoy) and i just hang out in the firm library until someone hands me something to do. i'm basically a slave. but i love it. in all honesty, it is teaching me more and more about being a servant.

whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (matthew 20:26-28, niv)

my official title is: courier/runner. i drive a lot, deliver court cases to judges, file important documents, pick up things from the lawyers houses, make copies, and every now and then make a stop at hyvee or walgreens. i meet people all the time, and when i do, i'm often filled with an unexplainable joy that fuels me to keep going the rest of the day. the other day i was walking into the court house downtown shivering, this man next to me turns and says (with a strong southern accent), "darlin'! it's not that cold yet... you just get ready!" this began a conversation about me being from chicago, the sox in the world series (yuck), him growing up down south... it was encouraging in ways i can't explain.

besides having the freedom i do and meeting so many different people, i work with some awesome people. i've learned there are a few believers in the office and that one of the lawyers i had always been intimidated by actually does ministry at junior high schools with people from a christian organization he's in. since then he's become one of my favorite people in the office. i love talking to him because i can see in his eyes the passion he has for middle school kids. i don't come across that often - its refreshing.

i've really connected with a few of the other lawyers and numerous secretaries. there is one specific secretary whom i love... she reminds me of a grandma. white hair, cute, talkative... love her.

on the other hand, there are a few crazy people at the firm... i like them, but they're a bit intense. one lawyer threatened to cut someone's hand off if they messed something up and another has been called "drill sergeant." makes me laugh. and then there's this other courier... lets just say he's a little... whats the word... different. :-)

it's a blessing that i have found happiness and joy in serving people the way i do with this job.

dracula's castle

in june when i was in romania, our team made a stop in a town in transylvania to visit one of dracula's castles. they're very well known and people come from all over the world to visit them.

when i first found out we were going to one, i didn't think much of it. "cool. i've never been to a castle." this particular castle was extremely beautiful on the outside and a few places in, but the whole time we walked through it i felt sick. not "i have the flu" type sickness, but "i feel really weird and want out of this place" type sickness. we were there during the day and there were tons of tourists everywhere, but i couldn't help but feel weird walking through that place.

tonight i turned the tv on hoping to find something to watch for half an hour before going to sleep. i stopped on a channel that had a show on called "the scariest places on earth." these kinds of shows are ridiculous... but for some reason i stayed on the channel to see what "scary place" these people were at.

some lady came on and talked a bit about dark spirits and what makes a place scary. she then began to introduce this episode...

"tonight the mason family is going to be visiting one of dracula's castles in transylvania, in hopes of discovering the spirits that lurk behind these castles walls."

i thought about how it'd be weird if it was the same castle i visited over the summer, but pushed the thought aside. they interviewed the family then zoomed in on the castle they'd be visiting...

yeah... definitely the same castle i was in...

my heart just about stopped.

again, i hate these shows, but i really wanted to watch, yet i was really scared to. i do believe places like this, where in the past there were witches and satanic worshipers, that evil spirits or demons dwell. when we think of the spiritual world, often times only think about God and the good side... we forget that there is in fact an evil side and it is just as real as the Father is.

james wrote to the people saying, you believe that there is one God. good! even the demons believe that - and shudder (james 2:19, niv).

if we believe so strongly in the Lord, then we must be aware of the darkness of the spiritual world. i believe in satan and demons, but in no way does this mean i follow them or worship them. there is a difference between believing and following.

as i watched part of this show i again felt sick, but i also found myself getting a bit mad. the host talked in a creepy way trying to make the mood even moreso frightening. in ways it reminded me of a bad haunted house - slow quiet talking, noises, black cats, rats... everything was most likely staged. i felt sick probably because i began to remember how horrible that place was when i visited, but i was a little upset because of the way they were talking about evil spirits. they talked as if it was all a joke and a game - which i know it was a "game" for this family to go into this castle alone in the middle of the night, but they had them praying these prayers alone and together as they were put in different rooms by themselves. one of the prayers asked the spirits for forgiveness and asked if they would not harm them. i wanted to puke.

by no means was this a christian show, so of course they never once mentioned God, but it seriously got me flustered. i dont think thats the type of stuff to mess around with even if it is just a "game." just like tarot cards, ouija boards, witchcraft... it may seem harmless, but i do think there is evil within those things. they are not of God... they are actually the opposite of God, so it makes sense that there would be evil in them.

i think moses makes it pretty clear in deuteronomy...

let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium orspiritst or who consults the dead. anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord, and because of these detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. you must be blameless before the Lord your God (18:10-13, niv).

i myself had always pushed aside the other side of the spiritual world, but for the past 5 months i'm beginning to understand just how real it is and how serious it is. it's a lot more serious then people think...

i'll stop here, i could go on forever about this.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

ps - i'm going on episode 17 of season 2 of 24... oh... my... gosh... i am addicted and can't stop.

heads-up seven-up

i spent the morning playing heads up seven up with 35 6th graders.

remember that game? when i was in junior high, heads up seven up was the game to play. everyone who is anyone played that game, and if you didn't, you were a loser. that still seems to be the way it is today. the second those lights go out and those thumbs go up on the air, it was on. no messing around here... serious business was taking place.

i have a confession though...

i was one of those kids. and by "those" kids i mean the ones who were brutally intense and treated the game as if it was a matter of life and death, but secretly i was cheating. people praised me for being so good and for rarely making an incorrect guess as to who tapped my thumb. i remember friends of mine and classmates thinking i had some super sense where i could tell who tapped me by the feeling of their hand. others thought i could tell who the person was because of the way that they breathed over me. and some people even thought that i had some sort of psychic power. i played along with all three. "i'm so good... i know."

i had this special technique that, at the time, no one ever caught onto. i am probably not the only kid who as ever done this, but i felt like i was. the key was to shift; re-adjust in my seat right before everyone started walking around. i never lifted my head or looked up, but my focus stayed on the ground. for a brief moment, i was able to catch a glimpse of the person's shoes who was doing the tapping. i thought i was a genius. after i saw the shoe, i re-adjusted once more.

i'd make my guess, get "oohed" and "ahhed", then it would be my turn to pick someone. it's harder to cheat when you're the person doing the tapping, but i was always sure to walk silently, and change up my tapping styles. throw people for a loop. tap softly, then slam down on the thumb. squeeze it, then pinch it. flick it, hit it. etc.

this morning brought me back to that. i chuckled as i watched these 12 year olds laughing hysterically and running around as if they didn't have a care in the world. all that mattered what who hit their thumb. kids who hated each other came together during the game. any drama that had been taking place between groups vanished for those 45 minutes. anyone who came into the classroom upset, found joy in this game and couldn't help but have a smile painted across their face. what is it about heads up seven up that gets kids so pumped?

i then began thinking about our walk with the Lord... what if we were as passionate about Jesus as kids are about heads up seven up? ridiculous comparison perhaps, but seriously...

if i walk into a room and someone mentions Jesus, why do i not drop all my fears and concerns and get completely hyped just like kids do when they hear the words "heads up seven up"? for the short amount of time that the game takes place, kids are immersed in it and see nothing better about life. i want to be that immersed in Yeshua.

like i mentioned before, i was a huge heads up seven up cheater. i cheated so i could be admired and to seem like i had it all figured out. i think we all play this type of game with the christian life and with the Lord. we try to act like we have all the answers and know exactly how to "win the game" when in fact we're only cheating. we pretend. we put on a happy face when we have found ourselves in depression because we think we'll be loved more if we're happy. we run around doing 80 things at once in order to look like a hero and to be appreciated and admired. it's a complete cop out. we're cheating, and we know it... yet we continue because it makes us feel good.

we do the same thing with God... we peek out thinking that He can't see us cheating. we continue to hide our desire of being... God... and think that He can't see us trying to be Him. since no one else can see us cheating, we automatically think that He cannot either. we're so sly. we think, "look at me God, look how good i am and how i have it all figured out", where in reality He can see right through us. the Father can see that we're acting the way we do and doing the things we do just to be admired.

we get in the habit of not reading our bible, but since we know scripture like that back of our hand, we can still quote verses nonstop in conversations - we then are seen as wise... i'm so great, look at me. we know the right words to say in prayer, even if our heart isn't there... listen to me, i'm so godly. we get involved with 8 different ministries to look good - look at me, i can do it all. we know we're cheating, but we haven't been called out, so that must mean that no one knows... we act like He doesn't know... we cheat and we shove it in His face.

don't be a cheater like me.